canon king williams

Posting about this day so late has it's pros and cons.  I'm sure there are plenty of things about this day that I have already forgotten, and now won't be able to record and remember.  However, there are things about this day that mean so much more to me now that I am down the road from it.  Every time I have had a baby, I wait to hear the doctor tell me if it would be safe to have another one because I have to have c-sections.  This time was no different.  He told me my uterus was pretty worn out, but that if I was careful I could probably have one more. 

As odd as this sounds, that was bittersweet news.  I was so happy that my family still had the potential to grow, but this pregnancy was such a test of endurance and sacrifice, that I already dreaded the thought of doing it again.  The veins from my left foot all the way up to my groin area were huge and in constant pain.  While most of the pain is now gone, certain veins never receded, and at times ache.  I lost feeling to my thumb, index and middle finger. Luckily it came back when my Canon was about 8 months old.  The layers of scar tissue in my abdomen have a variety of problems.  Some of them go in cycles with my hormones, some that have activity induced pain, and some that are just tight and painful, but I am just used to it. All of the normal things like aching joints and swelling were there too.  But with every pregnancy these problems just get worse.  I realize that I am not alone in these trials.  Also, women who give birth vaginally have their own set of problems.  But it is still a labor of love, that truly is a labor.

My doctor (who did make it to this delivery) was very accommodating, and made this birth the best one.  He allowed the surgical drape to be dropped, so that I wasn't separated from the birth, and even had the table tilted as much as possible so that I could have maximum visibility of my little guy making his appearance.  It felt so good to feel like a part of this sacred event!  When my little Canon Ball was delivered they laid him on my chest right away and gave me a few minutes to just drink in his newness.  I had never had anything like it, and I am so grateful I got that moment.  

7 pounds, 12 ounces.  Canon King Williams was my biggest of all my babies.  He arrived with a pink, healthy, and already had a little sweet chub to him.

I always ask Chad to go with our babies while I am stitched back up, a process that takes much longer than the actual birth.  I want them to have someone who loves them to help with all of the new experience that come with coming into the world.  Besides I get a little fuzzy at that point being post surgery.  I do remember that once I made it to my hospital room, I just spent hours holding and staring at this perfect little miracle, just like I did with the others.  I hate being in the hospital, but I love that honeymoon time to just feel this tiny person in a new way.

The icing on the cake was when my other babies came to the hospital to meet their new baby brother.  To be surrounded by these amazing little people that are forever a part of me is very spiritual even if it was also a little crazy.

I started praying about whether this was my last baby or not, months before Canon was born.  It wasn't until he was about 9 months old that I got an answer.  In spite of everything, it was a hard answer to get.  I even fasted and prayed about it later, hoping that I had gotten it wrong.  I didn't.  As far as my Heavenly Father has directed me, this is the end to this chapter of my life.  It has been a very emotional time.  My whole life, having and raising my babies is all I have ever wanted to do.  As hard as it is, it breaks my heart to think it will only be passing now.  I admit, I sometimes have to remind myself how blesses I am to have been able to so easily have 5 strong, beautiful, happy children.  I just have to work on enjoying this phase, and not lamenting that tiny babies are a thing of the past.  I am so grateful to know that there really is no end to families.  Luckily, I have loved every second of this sweet baby boy!  He is a light that I rejoice is a perfect part of our family!